What My Second Born Has Taught Me

After celebrating my second born’s first birthday, it has me reflective on this past year. True, I learned a lot with my first born. It was a crash course in parenting. No amount of babysitting or reading really prepared me for life as a mom.  I’m thankful for that because even though it’s the hardest job, it’s also the best, and that’s something I would never really understand without living it. Interestingly enough, much of parenting the second time around has also felt like a crash course, but a crash course that I knew I was getting into.

 

So here are some things my sweet littlest love has taught me:

 

1. Just because I had 3 years under my belt raising one girl, didn’t mean I knew everything about raising kids or even girls for that matter.

Because, of course, in life’s normal fashion, what went right with our first born, doesn’t work with our second born. While we relied a lot on car rides to help with naptime with our first, our second screamed in terror in her carseat for about the first 8 months of her life. While our first never gave us any issue with diaper or clothing changes, our second writhes in feigned pain anytime we attempt to change her diaper or clothes. I learned the hard way that we had to hold her hands back while changing a poop diaper, because she will grab and throw.

Luckily, there are other opposites that make life a bit easier. Our first born only took a bottle for about 6 months and during those 6 months would only drink about 3 oz while I worked a full day, causing me a lot of anxiety. Our second born took to a bottle quite easily and drinks every ounce that I pump at work.

It might seem silly to not have expected so many differences, but I can’t deny that I didn’t go into parenting the second time around more confident. Their differences have definitely kept us on our toes and taught us that one of the things you can count on the most in parenting is having very little control in the grand scheme of things and that brings me to my next lesson.

 

1. She is her own person.

 

Well, obviously, right? Only I didn’t realize how soon she would show me and demand her own role in our family. While my first born is a sensitive soul with an easy going temperament, this second born is feisty and commanding. It’s really a great reminder that there’s no formula for raising kids, even for same gender kids. Being fair and equitable is giving each kid what they need and supporting each in their own interests.

It makes things both exciting and exhausting. How fun to see what each girls’  interest may be and how their personalities develop! And, how will we keep up when their interests pull them and us in different directions?!

 

1. I can be both redeemed and challenged at the same time.

 

It’s hard when important things don’t go according to the plan you had in your head and it always feels good to get that second chance to try again and be better the next time. I find that relates a lot to having multiple children. Very notably was the birth of my first born. Her birth didn’t go the way I had “planned” it in my head. Although, we were very fortunate and everything turned out perfect in the end, it hung over my head. I regretted getting an epidural, however, I see now, how much more of a peaceful birth I had with it. With my second, I had hoped I could make it through labor and delivery all natural. Well, a couple hours into my labor, and I was demanding an epidural. My sweet girl came so fast, though, that I didn’t have time for one and was able to have the birth I had hoped for. True, she herself had little control over that situation, but her birth healed me. She gave me my “do over”. I get to be better with not just her, but her sister as well. She is my reminder that life isn’t cut and dry. We can try again each day and each moment.

So even with the lessons learned from my first and the redemption I feel in getting this second chance, I’m still constantly challenged. My husband and I are still trying to figure out the best way to parent two kids and still be more than just a co-parent, but life partners. I find it more difficult to balance work and home life now that I have two children.  I’m plagued with the guilt that my first born lost something special when her sister was born. She lost our undivided attention, which is a struggle for her at times, and I feel my heart break when I see her sadness or frustration. My second born never received our undivided attention because she was born into a pre-made family. Even though it will be all she will ever know, I feel sad that she missed out on those sweet moments we had with our first. I used to just stare at my first born as I nursed her. Now, I’m holding and nursing my second born with one arm and with other I’m helping my toddler to wipe herself after she goes #2 in the potty, which brings me to my fourth lesson.

 

1. It is possible to sweat all day long.

 

Sometimes almost literally juggling two kids, I’m the picture definition of a hot mess, and by “hot’, I mean sweaty, red-faced, and out of breath. If one is playing independently, the other wants to be with me, and I mean, on me in some sort of state of wiggle. If one sees two of us having fun, she must come and join in (which I love, but often requires a lot of maneuvering kid bodies on my part). If the baby just fell asleep in my arms, the toddler needs me in the bathroom. If the toddler needs some special attention, the baby is digging in the dirt of our potted plants. And, all those are just times when we’re in the house!

Packing for two to leave the house and on a schedule, has me in a sprint most of the time. Stroller pushing, baby wearing, hip carrying, hand holding, double arm carrying – all have me in a sweat – and really strong!

Only, I’ve never been more happy to be so sweaty. Sure, I’d love a little space now and again, but as I’ve been told, this time is so fleeting and I will miss it. Through all the sweat and multi-tasking, I love it. I love being with them and I love that they want to be with me, which brings me to my last point (and I know it’s not even close to my last lesson).  

 

1. There is no limit on love.

 

When I was pregnant with my second born, I fretted and cried worrying that I wouldn’t love her as much as I love my first born. I couldn’t imagine being able to give or feel any more love. My heart was already so full. Thankfully, my worry was for nothing.

I guess there is no capacity limit to our hearts, because with the addition to our family, my love also grew. She was like a missing puzzle to our family and now that she’s here, she completes us. Instantly, both girls have the ability to fill me with light. Truly they are my sunshine, both of them, not one more than the other. And, I can’t give an example or cute anecdote showing this, because it’s just a feeling that must be felt.  I do and will always love them both until no end with all of my heart.